Akatsuki Fairy Tale Theater
by SerendipityDooDa
Summary: The Akatsuki is forced by the mysterious narrator to renact various Fairy Tales for the amusement for herself and others.
1. Greetings and Vague Explainations!

Deidara: [Rubs his head] What happened, un?

Sasori: We seemed to have fallen... Somewhere.

Mysterious Dramatic Voice: You have fallen into my domain!

Hidan: [Shocked] Whoa! Who the hell said that?!

M.D.V: I did! For I am the Narrator!

Kisame: The narrator? For what?

Narrator: I am the narrator for the stories, of course!

Itachi: Stories?

Narrator: [groans] So many QUESTIONS! Look, you guys are here to use in the retelling of stories for the amusement of others and myself.

Kakazu: Others? But there is nobody here but us. Speaking of which, where are YOU?

Narrator: I'm on a whole 'nother level bro. You can't get on my level. Anyway, you are stuck here until I am done with ya, so make yourself comfortable! The first performance will start in 5!

Pein: Performance? And 5 what?

Narrator: Maybe 6.

Pein: 6 WHAT?!


	2. Goldilocks and The 3 Bears

Narrator: Today's story shall be the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears!

Akatsuki: ...

Narrator: ...

AHEM!

Akatsuki: [talking over each other] Oh yeah great choice, with the bears and stuff...

Narrator: That's... Better I guess. ANYWAY! Time to choose the characters. First and foremost, we need a Goldilocks.

Akatsuki: [All look at Deidara]

Deidara: NO way, un! That's hair color stereotyping! Just because the character's name is Goldilocks doesn't mean that-

Narrator: [Snaps fingers, Deidara disappears.]

Hidan: WHERE DID YOU TAKE HIM?!

Narrator: You'll see. Now for 3 bears...

Kakazu, you'll be papa, Sasori you're the mama, and the baby shall be... Tobi.

Tobi: YAAAAY! I get to be a Bear!

Kakazu and Sasori: Oh good Lord...

Narrator: [Snaps fingers again, the three disappear]

Kisame: So... What do we do?

Narrator: [Generates a projector screen in the void]

Y'all just sit and enjoy the story!

Would anyone want snacks? Have to go to the bathroom?

Zetsu: Acutally, I would-

Narrator: NO ONE? OKAY LET'S GO!

Zetsu: [Sighs]

Narrator: Once upon a time, in a cottage within an enchanted forest, there lived a family of bears.

[The bear characters appear, dressed in Bear hoodies]

Sasori: ... You have got to be kidding...

Tobi: Look Sasori-Sama! I look all cuddly!

Kakazu: ...

Narrator: You are quite cuddly Tobi, this is true.

Anyway, They had just got done making Ramen for breakfast, but it was too hot to eat yet. The bears decided to go for a walk in the forest while it cooled.

Kakazu: Wait a minute, the ramen could easily go bad if we are gone too long, and seeing that I am the "father" of this story I must make the money to buy the ramen. So wasting the ramen would be wasting money. Wouldn't it be easier to just wait here and-

Narrator: THEY DECIDED TO GO FOR A WALK IN THE FOREST!

Kakazu: Alright! Fine. Let's go guys...

Narrator: Ahem.

While the bears went deeper into the forest, a young girl happened upon their cottage.

[Deidara appears in a frilly white dress and hair ribbon]

Deidara: I am a boy, un! And why am I in a dress?!

Narrator: The little girlboy, being the curious child he/she was, went to check it out.

Oh look! The door happens to be precariously cracked! Makes you wanna go inside, right?

Deidara: No.

Narrator: GET IN THE HOUSE.

Deidara: Fine! Fine! In I go...

Narrator: Goldilocks walks into the cottage to discover 3 bowls of ramen on the table. The being of ambiguous nature felt hungry, so it went to eat some of the ramen.

Deidara: Well, I AM hungry. [murmured] since someone hasn't fed us...

Narrator: What was that?

Deidara: I said "I'm going to try this bowl first!".

Narrator: So she tried the first bowl.

Deidara: HOLY MOTHER THATS HOT!

Narrator: Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that. The first bowl was too hot, so Goldilocks tried the next one.

Deidara: How can I try the next one? I can't even FEEL my tongue now.

Narrator: Oh please, you have like what? 3 more tongues elsewhere?

Deidara: Whatever...

This one tastes bad. It all cold...

Narrator: So she tried the last bowl.

Deidara: Hey! This one actually tastes pretty good!

Narrator: Great! Now stuff your face so we can move on.

After Goldilocks ate the ramen, she looked for a place to sit and rest her stomach. She found 3 chairs to choose from. Goldilocks went to try out the first one.

Deidara: I can't even ATTEMPT to sit on this thing, its too big.

Narrator: Alright then, try the next one.

Deidara: This one is too uncomfortable. I don't see how any human being can sit on this.

Narrator: A HUMAN being doesn't-

Oh, never mind. Just try the next one.

Deidara: This one is nice. Good padding, well supported...

Narrator: The chair suddenly breaks underneath Ms. Chubbylocks

Deidara: Hey!

Narrator: After all that sitting, the Ramen- induced food coma was beginning to set in, and Goldilocks became tired. She went to search for a bed, and found 3. And of course, she tried each of them.

Deidara: This first one feels like a bed of nails.

Narrator: That's because it is. Next?

Deidara: THE MATTRESS IS CONSUMING ME ALIVE!

Narrator: Here I'll help you out.

Deidara: Thanks...

Narrator: No problem. Now, about that last bed?

Deidara: Un... Memory foam...zzzzzzz...

Narrator: And so, Goldilocks fell asleep in a stranger's bed

( I wonder how many times that's happened).

As Goldilocks slept, The Bear family came back from their walk to find the door to their cottage wide open...

Kakazu: IF WE GOT ROBBED, I SWEAR TO NARRATOR I'M GONNA-!

Narrator: Ah-Ah-Ah! No need for swearing! Just go in check out the situation.

The bears walked in their house to assess the damage. First they check the bowls of Ramen.

Kakazu: But what about our valuables?! I think those are more important than ramen right now!

Narrator: Just. Check. The. BOWLS.

Kakazu: Fine... Hey, looks like someone ate a bit of mine.

Sasori: Mine also...

Tobi: I don't even HAVE any!

Narrator: Discovering the ramen had been touched, they then noticed their chairs.

Kakazu: I see someone try to climb onto my chair.

Sasori: Someone sat in mine. Whoever did is a poor soul.

Tobi: WHAAA! My chair is all broken to pieces!

Narrator: After Tobi's outburst was over, the 3 bears heard a noise. It sounded like snoring. They went to the bedroom to see. They all checked their beds.

Kakazu: Someone laid in mine. There is fresh blood on the nail tips.

Sasori: My mattress says it ate someone, but they somehow got away.

Tobi: Someone IS in my bed!

Narrator: They all looked in baby bear's bed to find Goldilocks asleep.

Tobi: Hey its Sempai! SLEEP OVER! YEEAAAH!

[Jumps on top of Deidara]

Deidara: Tobi, shut up! I'm tryin'ta sleep!

Narrator: Goldilocks wakes up to see bears around her.

Deidara: Hey guys, what's up?

Narrator: Goldilocks was so frightened by the BEARS when she awoke, she ran away.

Deidara: Oh yeah. EEK BEARS. [Begins to run, but stops] Oh yeah, right. This is for you, Tobi. Bye.

Tobi: All right! Sempai gave Tobi a pet bird!

Kakazu and Sasori: Bird?

Narrator: Goldilocks was so scared, she ran at least 10 miles away so that she was out of range. When she was far enough, she said...

Deidara: KATSU!

Narrator: ...and an explosion was seen in the distance at the location of the Bears' cottage.

The moral of the story? Lock your doors good and tight because we have a bomber in the Enchanted Forest. He climbing into cottages, blowing bears up. So hide yo kids, hide yo wives, and hide yo husbands.

The End


End file.
